Something popped into my head a little while ago for why I have been feeling so bad lately. It’s been difficult waking up in the morning, I feel fatigued throughout the day, and sort of delirious.
I was sitting in the cafe earlier and started to fall asleep! But I noticed that I seemed to be drawn towards sunlight. At first, I thought it was because I was cold, but then I thought, what if it’s my biology or my subconscious telling me that I needed sunlight? And if that was true, the conclusion I drew from that was that I could be deficient in vitamin D. So I just picked up some D3, as well as some B12 since I have been eating mostly vegetarian lately. And I think I am feeling better already, but I could be wrong.
It’s so difficult dealing with subjective experiences of things.
Like you could be deficient in vitamin D and get depressed, then take a bunch and feel better. Or you could be depressed for a million other reasons such as deficient in omega 3 fatty acids. But if you think you are deficient in vitamin D and take some, but believe that you are better, due to the placebo effect, you might actually get better, even though you weren’t actually deficient in vitamin D.
And another interesting circumstance that could play out is, if you know that vitamin D deficiency causes depression and maybe you’re on vacation or somewhere where you don’t have access to any vitamin D, and you start thinking that you are depressed from your lack of vitamin D, but it’s actually just your thoughts that are making you depressed. You believe that you are depressed makes you depressed, and the lack of vitamin D has nothing to do with it.
I also felt myself forming an identity around being depressed after I first had the thought that that is what it could be. My conceptual version of me takes on the label and characteristics of one who is depressed, and the real me starts to follow. Then I start acting how I imagine one who is depressed acts because I believe that is who I am. Being human is difficult.
It’s all just subjective experience and your thoughts about a subject change the outcome. One of the reasons why I started journaling is so that I would be able to see on a larger scale of things how I am feeling and hopefully draw conclusions with an increased perspective. To apply what my understanding is of the Law of Neutralization more effectively. Which then, I will hopefully be able to spot patterns that I would normally be blind to since I am in it. As my mood changes, my views of the world, or my filter or lens of the world also changes, which makes it excruciatingly difficult to analyze myself.
But one thing I know for sure is that I need to always be taking my vitamins as well as monitoring everything about me. I just can’t think about it, because if I think about it, it changes everything. Which is easier said than done